3 Marks of a Healthy Family

Raising a family is hard work.

When kids are involved, there is the added challenge for parents to not only manage their own lives and deal with their own struggles, but to also give adequate attention to the needs of their kids.

This requires times. It requires patience. It demands a certain level of strength and resilience that not all parents naturally have.

This is part of the work of building something beautiful. There is hardship involved, but the payoff is worth the effort.

What we are trying to create in our families is worth the time and energy and stress and frustration. When we do the work, one day we will reap the benefit - a happy, healthy, thriving family with kids who grow up to healthy and successful in their own ways.

Along the way, as we are navigating this journey and fighting the good fight of building health into our families, there are things to be focused on, areas to be improving, elements that are necessary if we are going to reach the destination.

Here are three marks of a healthy family - three crucial ingredients in this process of family-building. If we can do these five things, we can be actively moving ourselves and our children towards success.

1. Open and honest communication. Healthy families are good at communicating. Parents check in with their kids, ask them about their lives, stay involved in what's going on in their world, always leaving the door open for further communication.

   
   

   Talks happen regularly - "What are you struggling with? What's going well for you? Anything you're worried about? What can we do to help you in your life right now?"

   
   

   When communication happens regularly, kids know where to go when things get hard. They learn that their parents are always willing to talk and that they truly care.

   
   

   Of course, open and honest communication also involves confronting and pointing out things that need to be fixed. Healthy families aren't afraid to "speak the truth in love", calling attention to problems, talking with children about mistakes, and being vulnerable about fears, worries, and emotions. When parents are able to admit to their kids when THEY have messed up, it teaches the child that honesty and vulnerability are healthy and not something to shy away from.

   
   

2. Accountability and encouragement. We want our children to be successful. We want them to work hard. We want them to have dreams and to do what it takes to achieve them. If this is true, it's going to require us to not DO for them all the time, but to ENCOURAGE them to do for themselves.

   
   

   All children need to be feel capable. Alfred Adler identified this as one of four core needs of all children - to feel useful; to believe that they have something to contribute; to learn to use their own skills and gifts and abilities.

   
   

   Of course, it's much easier to just sit back and play video games. But we aren't doing our kids any favors when we let them just do what's easy.

   
   

   Our kids need to be pushed. They need accountability. This doesn't have to mean nagging or griping. It can simply be reminding, challenging, holding them to their goals they have set for themselves.

   
   

3. A healthy home environment. The world that we live in inevitably rubs off on us. And, in our homes, the world that exists is largely created by us, and then affects our children.

   
   

   Would you describe your home as stressful? Chaotic? Tense? Negative? Dysfunctional? What would you like to be true of your home instead? And then, what choices can you begin to make, as a parent and the leader of the home, to foster that kind of environment? One that is peaceful, fun, tranquil, full of joy, hope, love, and kindness. One that is structured, ordered, organized. One that is whole, functional, where the people in that home are connected, relating well with each other, and operating in health.

   
   

   A healthy home environment is one where kids feel loved, valued, and respected; one where parents are actively tending to their own needs and working on being their best selves; one where mistakes are forgiven and grace is offered; and one where all the individuals in the home are made to feel like a part of the whole. Is this the kind of environment you are helping to create for your family?

This list is in no way exhaustive! There are so many more elements of a healthy and thriving family. But working on these three is a good starting point. What else would you add to the list?